Teenagers are Fattening

My teenage son is mad at me, he hurt my feelings and now I want to drown my sorrows in food. The ups and downs of dealing with teenage children are the cause of much emotional eating. You know you have to suck up sometime and be the mean parent. Even though you know your doing the right thing, for me, the concept that I have just made one of my children unhappy, causes me distress and, of course, makes me want to eat.

The only thing keeping me from eating right now is that I can't really think of anything good enough to take away the pain. One thing I have accomplished over the past year is ... I don't just blow my diet for just any random junk food anymore. No, it had better be something really good and satisfying.

I should tell you there is a war going on inside my head right now. It is between the skinny wannabe and the wicked fatgirl that occupy my brain. It goes something like this ...Eat something, you deserve it .... No don't do it, not worth it .... Find something really good, what have you been craving....No I can't think of anything that I want, it's not worth it...and on it goes. Hey! Shut up in there!

Okay the skinny wannbe side has now suggested I do something else that I have wanted to do, like the movies or a pedicure (okay too cold for that today) hmmm, I'm liking that idea. I'm gonna check the movies schedule, even though I'm supposed to be fixing my resume, starting the taxes, cleaning the house, etc.

Lucky for me there were no brownies or cheesecakes lying around, I don't think the skinny wannabe side would have beat out the wicked fatgirl side of me if that had been the case.

Happy Weekend!

Wonder Weight Loss Woman

Here are the good things that I have done this week. I have gone 3 maybe 4 days without a Diet Coke, I stayed true to my points Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I attended my weekly WW meeting and had a 1.6 pound weight loss (yay!), I have been eating less and not resorting to popcorn to fill me up (I've even had some leftover points), I have been drinking more green tea, I walked for 45 minutes on the treadmill at the Y. All in all I feel pretty good about the week. Definitely need to be exercising more. Without walking, I am losing less weight each week. I am also losing some of that great muscle tone in my calves and rear.

Still have 4 pounds to go to get back to my pre-Christmas low, but I am feeling like I am making progress. I really want to try to keep in control over the weekend. I am a little worried because the weather is supposed to get very cold and when that happens I get very hungry. So Mother Nature, can you help me out here? I would like to put in an order for more moderate days.

Will I be Wonder Weight Loss Woman this weekend able to resist fattening food, watching those pounds melt away as I keep my body free of the dreaded fatty foods and sugary treats that tempt me?..... I sure hope so.

Back to A Routine

Things are slowly getting back to a routine. I don't know about you, but I like routines. In fact a majority of my eating slip-ups occur when I am pushed out of that routine. That is why weekends have been such a disaster. There are just too many opportunities to blow it. What is very frustrating for me is while I am happy with something light, I get guilted into going out to eat. Why can't I just say no? Well part of the reason is if we don't go out to eat, then I am expected to cook something for them. Did I ever mention how much I hate to cook?

The answer of course is better planning. I just wish my family would help me out a bit. When I ask them what they would like, I get the classic answer, "I don't know". I think to myself, well hell, if you don't know then how am I supposed to know what to cook. A lot of this comes from guilt that I am not a super mom, cooking wonderful, healthy, appealing meals. Instead I am browning ground beef thinking tacos or Hamburger Helper tonight? And, I wonder if they have noticed we've eaten ground beef dishes three nights in a row? Some of this lack of originality comes from the fact that I don't like a lot of foods, in fact, I would be happy eating the same food several days in a row (which is what I used to do, before husband and kids). I don't care what you say, it is really hard to cook stuff you don't like, even if you are not eating it.

My status this week, Friday-Sunday, did not journal and did not follow plan. Monday and Tuesday were good. I'm hoping today is good and then tomorrow, dun dun dun, weigh in. Still not exercising, but hopeful to start soon. The weather is supposed to get really cold again, which will be another challenge.

Facing the Music

I finally went back to a WW meeting this morning. I kept postponing it because I didn't want to have a gain posted on my booklet. To me it is like getting a bad grade on your report card. Once it is printed it is official, there is no denying it. I had hoped that I could drop the weight I gained before the weigh-in so that when I did weigh, I could just grin, wipe my forehead and smugly look down on all those holiday gainers. Nope, instead I had to look shame faced at the weigh-in lady and hope, hope, hope it was not going to be as bad as I thought. As she weighed and recorded the weight, I looked at her hoping for some kind of expression. She gave me back my book, smiled and said "welcome back". I silently took the book, found a seat and prepared myself to see the damage. Yep, there it was, a gain of 5.4 pounds. The mental conversations begin: Okay, it could have been worse. This is what you expected. You are at a meeting, maybe this is what you need to stay on track.

It did feel good to attend the meeting. The meeting leader is a dear women named Anne. She is a good speaker and does a good job with whatever the topic of the week is. Today, ha ha , the topic was exercising. A very appropriate subject for me since I am not doing much of it. Now that I have bitten the bullet, it is kind of a relief. I plan to continue attending the meetings and weigh in weekly and hopefully, as in the past, it will help motivate me to stay with the program. I will not allow any more bad grades on my booklet. I just realized, it's kind of funny in ww world a + is bad and a - is good.

Heres to hoping!

Let's Meet For Dinner

Meet me at Starbucks, wanna go to lunch, let's go out to eat, let's get a drink, happy hour at my house! Why is my social life so centered around eating? This is the hardest thing for me to deal with. I am at an age where in order to see friends, you have to do something and it usually involves eating. Remember when you were a kid and you just hung out with friends? Now there are only one or two friends I would ever consider saying "let's hang out". In order to be with any other friends, food has to be between us. This is a constant struggle for me, because once I am in restuarant mode, I do not want to order from the healthy, low fat entrees. I feel deprived and to be honest I have little self-control. So to be successful losing weight, I have curtailed my dining out experiences. I still go out once or twice a week, but many times I think , we should go out, and then swallow my words because I know I can't do it and still lose weight. Least those words I'm swallowing have no calories!

And We're Walking

I feel great! This morning I finally got those walking shoes on and walked a good hour and a half trek. This is thanks to J. my best friend forever!!! We walked, we talked and it was great. Walking with a friend is not "exercise" to me, I barely think about what I am doing. I am still on my "walker's high" feeling all loose and calm and loving that slightly achy feeling my legs have. That soreness is a pleasant reminder saying ... hello, remember those muscles you used to use? We're baaaack.

More good news, my weekday walking partner, A., says she is ready to start back this week. She is the one who broke her foot over Thanksgiving. I can't wait to get back into the routine.

Torture by Chocolate Cream Pie

Survived a Saturday staying within my points range and I am 3/4 of the way through Sunday with lots of points to spare. Screwed up with the walking plans. I forgot to confirm with my friend who I walk with and after a bad night where I couldn't sleep, I stayed in bed and missed her call. By the time I called her back, she had already done her own thing. It would have been a great day to walk too.

So what did I do instead, tortured myself by watching Julie and Julia. The movie was good, the torture part - watching them eat all that great, rich, buttery, creamy food. There was this one part showing a chocolate cream pie ....mmnnn mnn. I am an idiot for exposing myself to that. Yes I even thought about checking out her cook book. Lucky for me I'm a terrible and a lazy cook and it is highly unlikely that I would get past reading the recipe.

Tommorrow is the MLK holiday, lucky for me there is no special food attached to the celebration of that day. Let's hope it stays that way.

Later...

Time For A New Scale

I don't know how long I have had the scale I have, but I decided it is time for an upgrade. My scale is digital, but only measures to the half pound. It is also a little off. I am always lighter at my Weight Watchers weigh-ins, which is always a pleasant surprise. In fact that is one of the reasons I have kept my scale. I like that little rush when I have a bigger loss than I expected. You would think a rational person knowing the home scale is higher would not get that little lift. Nope, not me, I'll stay in denial as long as I can. You never know, when that scale might just decide to sync up with the "gold standard" WW scales.

After a while on any weight loss program the numbers slow down and it gets a little harder to lose. I think a new scale that will show me as I lose in the tenths will help my motivation a bit. Where in the beginning I felt like I failed if I didn't lose 2 pounds or more a week, now I am happy with a .8 or even .4. So I think I will shop around and see if I can get an upgrade. I think I have earned it.

True confession time: Couldn't resist the pizza last night. Ate 2 slices of cheese and (gulp) one sausage. I don't even want to know how many points that is. With pizza, it is really hard to stop at one slice! I am better off not eating any. On the positive side, I am supposed to walk this weekend so that will help.

I'll keep ya posted..

Diet Coke Meet Green Tea

I'm sitting here drinking green tea trying to get motivated. The green tea thing is part of one of my resolutions. It is supposed to be good for you and I like to drink tea so why not. What I am trying to avoid is Diet Coke. At one point in time I became so addicted to that drink. I used to only drink one a day, then all of the sudden I am drinking the stuff non-stop. Something needed to be done. What helped motivate me was the recent articles floating around about how diet drinks are not good for you and do not help if you are trying to lose weight. So I have tried to reduce the amount of Diet Coke I drink. I am not saying I am never going to drink Diet Coke, but I am shooting for Diet Coke free days. I am trying to choose ice tea over soda in restuarants and I am drinking more tea and coffee. One thing I am not sure about is if I am substituting something like Crystal Light with water for the soda am I helping myself? Probably not because they both use artificial sweetners. But for now it does help me with the cola craving.

As far as my status, I have stayed on the plan solidly Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Didn't get to the Y like I intended, but if the weather stays mild, there is walking with my friend planned. Weekends are tough, but I'm gonna try to make it through!

I'll keep you posted.

Baby Steps and Baby Carrots

I had another successful day, although I had to use a lot of my emergency rations. These are food items that I like, but try not to eat every day or in some cases more than once a week. This is to prevent dependencies on certain foods that I use as a crutch. It may sound weird but if I don't do that, it gets so I have to have that food every day and like an addict I start to need more of it and then even after I eat the food it is like it didn't even fill me up. Scary huh? Popcorn is one of those items, I air pop it and spray on Pam so it is very workable in my plan, and very filling but I can't eat it every day or I get too dependent on that to give me my "I'm full" feeling.

To get through the day yesterday, I ate at Subway and many baby carrots were munched throughout the day. Technically you are supposed to count baby carrots, but that is where I draw the line. Look, I am not fat because I ate too many carrots. So in the world according to me, I get to eat all the carrots I want and they count as zero. That is the readgirl modification of the Weight Watchers plan. It's worked so far!

I'm going to try and walk at the Y again tonight and do a little strength training. I just read another article on how much that helps with the belly fat. Can't hurt!

Wish me luck!

I Miss My Walking Partner

So .... While Monday I succumbed to the attack of the killer brownies, Tuesday went much better, stayed on track all day. Still getting that hungry feeling, in fact, unusual for me, I made PB toast around 9:00 last night. I am typically not a nighttime snacker, my problems are more in the midday time period. I'm thinking my body is tellling me I'm not getting enough of something. Not getting much fruit so maybe that is part of it. I did drink lots more water yesterday, I don't know why that helps but it is easy enough to do. On the bright side, the frigid cold has left and I am craving the comfort foods less.

I can tell my lack of daily exercise is not helping. I really need to find a way to get that back in my routine. Last year was great, I was walking 3-4 miles, 3 or 4 times a week. It was wonderful, I felt great, my legs looked great, the weight was falling off. What happened, well for me it was the holidays and not how you think . Over the Thanksgiving holidays, my walking partner missed a step bringing down her Christmas decorations and broke her foot. She will be okay, but is still unable to resume our walking. This just goes on my list of another reason I hate the holiday season.

Why should this unfortunate accident affect me you ask? It is because I am a social exerciser. I can't do it by myself, believe me I have tried. I need the interaction with someone else, when we are walking and talking it is not exercise to me. I need that friend to call me on those bad mornings when I would rather go back to bed and say "let's go". I hate that I am dependent on others but it works for me.

So anyone want to be my walking partner?

Note to Self

Do not ever make brownies and leave them lying around again. What were you thinking????

Oops I Did It Again

Wow, no self-control this weekend. Started eating on Friday and gave in to several unfortunate impulses through out the weekend. A lot of emotional eating going on because I was someplace I didn't want to be. Oh well it is done, starting again today. I've got the whole week with no special challenges so should be okay. Now if it would just warm up. I never realized how much cold weather affects my appetite. I want warm, spicy, rich foods. Cold salads, yogurts, cereal, even my favorite low-calorie ice cream bars just aren't doing it for me. I'm going to dig up some soup recipes and hope that helps.

Me Vs Fast Food

Weekends are so hard for me. I find myself in situations where I'm exposed to so many more temptations where we need something to eat and fast food is always there. I don't know about you, but it is very hard for me to walk into a fast food restuarant and order healthy stuff.

Here is me walking in the door (or at the drive thru), repeating over and over, I am ordering a salad, I am ordering a salad, I am ordering a salad, Ok maybe a small cheeseburger, no I am ordering a salad, I am ordering a salad, well I can order the kids meal - the portions are pretty small, not a lot of damage, No No I am ordering a salad, I am ordering a salad ...
Cashier, "Can I help You?"
Me: "Umm, okay Big Mac Meal with a Diet Coke" Crap did that just come out of my mouth! The evil side of my brain has taken over claiming "you know you hate their salads."

So until I can beat that evil fat and salt craving monster taking over my brain when I order, I avoid those fast food restuarants. I can go to Subway, and I have been able to go to Taco Bell and get their tacos fresca style, they are pretty good, but I have to order really fast and not look at the menu. Also Chick-fil-a has a salad that is good and is a decent number of points.

Funny thing is I don't really miss the greasy fast food much. In fact recently I ate a fast food burger and fries and I felt crummy (and it wasn't out of guilt!). It's like I felt all that grease and salt contaminating my body ruining the clean feeling I had from eating healthy. It wasn't worth it.

So I am giving myself a little pat on the back. I followed my plan for 3 whole days and each morning I weighed a little less. I know I need to quit weighing myself every day, but I really needed the motivation. I know the weight I am losing is all the water weight that I gained from my high fat, high salt, high sugar diet over the last two weeks, but that is okay. I am ready to get back to where I was and then on to smaller numbers.

Oh I also actually exercised for an hour at the Y last night. First time in over a month! It wasn't too bad. The hardest part was making myself go.

So I am going to splurge a little today, but Saturday and Sunday I am going to be strong and stay in control. Until next time ...

I'm Hungry

I made it through the day yesterday with a lot of help from some old reliables. Subway, air popped popcorn and WW Latte Bars. I already feel better, less bloated. Now on to day 2, I'm trying to change it up a bit because I am a total carb lovin freak. I ate a high protein breakfast which should be very filling.

What is it about knowing you shouldn't eat that makes you hungrier? What I ate for breakfast should carry me well into a late lunch, but I just want to eat. Due to the holiday binge-fest my stomach isn't happy until it is stuffed. I think I must have an extra-capacity stomach because I can just eat non-stop. I envy those people that push their plates away saying "I'm full". That never happens to me. I eat food like it is going to be my last meal, never getting that signal to stop. Maybe it is because it is so cold, my body wants to fill itself with warm food. I must resist! Thank goodness coffee and tea do not have any calories.

Back on Track

On Dec 17, 2009 I accomplished a total weightloss of 42.4. That was great, I felt great, my clothes fit great and then ....the Christmas holiday season came. The food gifts, the snacks, the "special" meals, the stress eating. All full of fat and sugar and calories.


How much damage can 2 1/2 weeks of non-stop eating and no exercise cause? Well, sad to say, about a 10 pound gain. So, line drawn in the sand, I'm declaring war. The crappy eating stops today. I will wrestle down those demons in me that call for consuming the leftover treats. I do not need that stuff, I didn't even like it that much when I was eating it.


I seem to think it is my job in the family to consume all leftovers. Why can't I throw it away?What is so bad about dumping uneaten candy and cookies in the trash? I don't know why I think eating it is better. It sure doesn't feel good on my body.


So the goal today is to get through the day following my plan. Just eating the food that has gotten me to where I was back on Dec. 17.

For one day - I can do this.